I sit here alone trying to think but I can't thanks to the internet. I am reading people comments on my blog and nairaland. My friend generously put up a link to my site and I am quite happy some people care enough to respond. Some hurl insults at me, some doubt my sincerity others hope I get better. Getting genuine love from strangers feels good kind of, atleast I am not a freak. I won't bore anyone with a long write up. I write to make me feel better so it seems selfish to keep writing.
What is the point of writing this now, I will never know. I am bored, its a friday night, I feel lonely. Gosh I feel so lonely. Everyone wants me to come to them, stay the weekend they say but I rather die than have someone pity me. All I get these days is pity, kpele all the damn time mscheww like that will make it okay. I am not hateful, please dont get me wrong, I just don't want to be anyone's sorry case. An old school mate, told my sister that I was not smart enough. I should have done this, that or that, whatever he is gone so that advice is useless to me isn't it?
I have been eating alot these days. Adding weight so I am thinking I should revisist the gym. I used to be sexy, now I don't know the clothes don't fit. My dad has been the best comforter, he shared his own pain before meeting mummy and insists that I will get better. So maybe I would try to loose some weight, join a society in church anything to make me better. I may travel to Nigeria during the holidays, meet up with old friends who knows what I might find.
Quickly, let me say that when I said "hello boys" in my last post I did not mean it. My sister thinks I am going to become someone that I am not. That is not the case and I am not smoking or drinking. I am eating, pizzas, burgers all the works thats my addiction, hence the need for a gym. Okay I have nothing else to say, if I feel like talking I will blog. Please dont call me, I am fine, I just need to recover. Yesterday's intimacy was a mistake, I feel like crap. Okay I have said it, don't judge me, let me watch my movie in peace. A pirated version of prince of persia on watchmovies.net is all I need. Maybe I will feel better tommorow. I am determined to get through this, just that it hurts so much today. Friday night used to be an event, now its just a waste of time. Let me watch this movie.