Its lunch time and the Office is buzzing. I meet up with my dear friend Grace to say I was blogging about my pain and she could read it, if she ever found the time. My sent me a voice message saying she loved me and I will be fine, I should however, have plenty of faith. I smiled, my mum has been suprisingly understanding. I guess she did not want to loose another daughter. My sister has been away in America for over ten years and rarely visits.
My phone rang and my heart sank. Aina has a special ring tone that I have not bothered to change. My next reaction was a brief five seconds happiness and then sadness, why was he calling me, to invite me for his wedding? or further humiliate me? I answered the phone trying to sound happy and indifferent. He goes like, babes whats this thing about you blogging about us? You the dram queen always over reacting. I know that things went bad between us but understand that you will find someone better, someone who will love you for you and want the same things you want. I had to cut him short, he was becoming good at telling me what was good for me, the prick! I said Aina, the blog is not about you, I am sad you know about it and obviously you are still checking up on me. Please let me move on, stop calling me, I need to move on please. Now the tears are coming,and I cant do a damn thing to stop them. Why am I crying so much? why does it hurt to hear his manly voice again? why why why? He did not give me time to think, he immediately goes, stop crying you make me feel like the devil, I am not that bad, why not come up to Burger King and meet with me. I am at the Burger King, close to your office, lets talk about this.
Despite the voices in my head speaking endlessly, I dashed for Burger King. I told Oma and Grace to cover for me. If our supervisor asks, I am in the ladies. I met with Aina, who I must say sadly was looking more handsome than I remember. He was like he was done with his dissertation and attended a careers summit. He got some job offers and his thinking of relocating back to Lagos or staying not quite sure. So, I asked what his girl friend's plans were and he was like he makes his own decisions that he is in control of this relationship! I lost it and started arguing with him, he was always blaming me for the break up, I changed for him gave up drinking and smoking and he never one day said look babe thats cool. Now he is calling me a control freak? I was pissed. I was ready to leave, that I was sure of even though I had the urgent need to punch him, for all my sleepless nights, looking so handsome, planning ahead, living his life while I was loosing mine.
I made for the door and there he was next to me, the jerk of a man. He goes you know Aunty Dolapo lives across the road, can you follow me to her house I dont want you going to the office like this, all teary eyed. Aunty Dolapo used to call me non stop and check on me during my shifts but since the break up she hasn't bothered to check up on me. She his Aunty afterall so I should not expect anything. We went to her house and met her daughters. She and her husband where working. It was already 2pm and common sense said go back to the office. I thought about everyone, my mum, family, friends who have been begging me to move on and I stood up from the couch. As I made for the door, he started holding my hand and saying he told me to wait I did not listen. I want to marry so desperately and it has clouded my judgement. I started crying, saying please let me go, I dont want the girls to know what I am doing. He put my head on his shoulders and was breathing heavily, so we started kissing and the rest is history. I slept with him despite all the talks and prayers.
His phone started ringing, his girlfriend was calling, I thought he would reject the call but he didnt. He answered her that he was in Aunty Dolapo's house he will see her in a few hours and said something like me too. I was furious, so mad that I hit him on the face. It shocked him and he started to dress up in a hurry. He said Mya you need professional help, you know I have a girlfriend what do you expect me to do? I just looked at him, in that moment he looked like a pig. He was a monster not my handsome prince, he looked like a man I did not know. I managed to dress up, wash my face, apply fresh makeup for it occurred to me that I have to start looking for my own man. This scum bag was over me and here I was still waiting and hoping. I removed my picture from his Aunty's room, she still kept it for some strange reason. I deleted my pictures on his phone. Gave him back the engagement ring, I still had it and he had said I could keep it. As I made for the door, no I felt the need to make him suffer like I was suffering so this time I started kissing him. I slept with him, made it as mechanical as possible, I proved my point he is no good. He would have being a cheating husband. He did not even resist me the second time, kept saying are you sure this is what you want? Anyways I left as soon as I climaxed, it took forever but it was worth it. No point wasting it, we have started lets finish, this will be the last, I kept saying.
I am home now, tucked in my room, laptop on my bed and thought well let me write about this. I screwed up but I dont care. I dont feel good or bad, I am indifferent, I am human, I loved and I lost. I will try to start to heal now, today I got closure, it did not come from anybody's advice it came from an intimate moment with Aina gone wrong. I feel free, I feel like I am once again alive, hello boys!